Careful What You Say
As the years go by I’ve learned to watch what I say and write to insure I minimize the instances where I will be compelled to apologize or regret either. I’m proud to say that in the last few years the actual situations necessitating my recanting or regretting anything I’ve said or done, have been few. Over the winter I met a gentleman who I went on a couple of dates with – even shared a little bump-and-grind with, but who’s telling? Long story short, the chemistry wasn’t there and I didn’t feel the need to drag things on longer than necessary. I basically told him that it didn’t appear we were a good match and that I didn’t want to see him anymore. I communicated that we could be friends and that there were no hard feelings (for me). He tried to argue that I wasn’t giving us a chance and that I should reconsider, but I stayed firm in my belief that there wasn’t anything there worth working for. A couple of months following this conversation, while I was online, brotha-man instant-messaged me with a simple, “Hello, how are you?” Believing this was a fresh start at a friendship, I cheerfully responded, “Great. How are you doing?” The normal pleasantries exchanged, BM decided to step out on faith and wrote, “What happened to us?” I tried to remain upbeat and said, “I don’t think there was ever really any ‘us’ and there are just folks that don’t have good chemistry. Besides we can be friends and compromise toward making that work.” I waited what felt like 10 minutes before BM came back with a fury, “The problem was that YOU always have to have things your way and your selfish, bitch-ass won’t give a brotha a break.” Stunned, I sat back in my seat and read his message twice before responding. “You’re probably right. I don’t like a lazy man that counts on me to make things happen and NEEDS me to pick him up so that he can keep his dates with me. That said, my selfish ass is having it my way WITHOUT you, so play nice OR we don’t need to play at all.” Again there was a digestive moment of silence before he retorted with, “You’re a f*cking bitch and I’m glad I found that out early on.” The customary AOL slammed door sound that follows someone jumping offline followed. I sat there and smiled to myself. Wow, being honest can really sting sometimes. Fast forward to this morning, where I found myself sitting riding the train in to work, ear phones blaring, my shades covering my hooded eyes and who would get on the train and stand directly in front of where I’m sitting – BM! So, I look up; pull out my ear phones and say, “Well hello sir. How goes it?” He looked down and his mouth twitched with a telling nerve reflex that says, I’m-f*cked! He then says, “Hi! How are you doing? It’s so good to see you!” I grinned and said, “Just wanted to say hi, I’ll get back to my music. Good seein’ ya’” Before I could get my ear phones back in he leaned down and said, “You look good. It’s been a while. Why don’t we hook-up this weekend? You busy?” I looked disappointed and in a very happy-sarcastic tone said, “Oh, I’m sorry. I’m being a f*ckin’ bitch this weekend, so I’m all booked-up.” He looked pitiful and said, “Yeah, I was wrong for that. I was just pissed off that you were rejecting me.” I took my shades up so that the message wouldn’t be lost and full eye contact would be achieved before I responded, “Hopefully you’ll grow from this experience and learn that you should be careful what you say. Some folks aren’t very forgiving. I’m one of those f*ckin’ bitches that rolls that way. Good seein’ ya’ though.” I smirked and before he could find the words, I plugged the earphones back in my ears, put the shades back down over my eyes and gave the physical version of the AOL slammed door effect. He shifted from foot to foot while standing in front of me, staring intently, but I never heard another word. We both jumped off in midtown Manhattan and he yelled behind me, “I changed jobs, so I probably won’t see you again.” I never turned around. I just thought to myself, ‘I should be so lucky.’
There’s no question in my mind that honesty is the best policy. I stick to that concept now – even at the risk of being called a stone-cold bitch. Strangely, I’ve come across situations that have proven that there are folks that never reach a place where they learn from their mistakes. They continue a life of lies and deceit, ultimately only deceiving themselves.
When (if ever) is it okay to lie or deceive someone to “spare” their feelings?
Keep passin’ the open windows…