Afternoon Edition - 8/30/07

Not-So-General Hospital
After sitting for over an hour in an empty waiting room, my doctor sauntered in and apologized for being delayed. My initial reaction was to sever his testicles and feed them to him, but in light of my throbbing head and tight chest, I opted for a simple, “The wait time is really becoming unacceptable.” The nonexistent pleasantries aside, my doctor listened to my chest, peered down my throat, took my temperature, pumped my arm for my blood pressure and even juggled my jewels for an added zing of humiliation. In the end the diagnosis was simple, “You have a viral infection (a cold) and there is nothing we can do, but wait for it to pass. Everyone has it right now; so just hold tight.” With my goodies still swinging, I said, “So I waited over an hour to hear this?!” The doctor pointed to my pants around my ankles and simply said, “Can we talk after you’re dressed?” I turned around and bent down to get my pants; exposing my entire crack to the good M-D and simply said, “Don’t bother! I have nothing else to say!” He smiled and said, “It’s good news. You’re just cranky with a cold. Ewww…” I detected a note of patronizing and slight gloating in his tone. I snatched the pen from its holder in his shirt pocket – jolting him to attention – and simply wrote my cell number on a Post-It note on his desk. I then stuck the note to his chest and said, “The next time you think you might be running behind use that number and avoid me the additional discomfort.” I pivoted, grabbed my bag and did the angry-man-walking through his waiting area. The nurse yelled behind me to wait for a follow-up appointment and I simply hollered back, “There’s no follow-up when there’s nothing wrong - MORON!” The elevator came right in time and I heard her gasp and say, “Asshole,” as the doors closed behind me. So all-in-all, I’m good – no infections, no serious issues – just a cold and a bit of an attitude.

On Blast
When I’m not feeling well I’m even less likely to care what anyone thinks and I say precisely what comes to mind.
What is the worst tantrum you’ve thrown that you attribute to being under the weather?

Keep passin’ the open windows…