Friday, June 17, 2005

Afternoon Edition - 6/17/05 - On Blast

On Blast
Today we’re putting Lady Long Legs On Blast with: Do you think women who were raised with a father in the household are more stable and have better relationships than women who were raised by a single mother? And when I say father, I mean a positive role model (working, paying the bills, respecting the mother, etc.)?

It stands to reason that more is learned through experiencing healthy relationships first hand, than being told what they’re suppose to function as. Unfortunately, the reality is that 28% of all children in the U.S. live with one parent. That’s 20 million American kids who do not experience a two-parent household. Of those one-parent households, 84% live with their mother. In 1997 alone, 32% of all American births were from single mothers. With numbers like these, it’s no surprise that most adults enter relationships with no constructive experiences to draw upon. Just think, if you are raised around a household where the parent teaches you to cook and you watch their technique, it is more likely that you will be a good cook. The same applies in relationships. Adults who were raised in two-parent households that had loving parents in a healthy relationship, can likely determine what behaviors are inappropriate or unacceptable in their own relationships. Additionally, folks will normally seek out a partner with qualities with those possessed by their parents. However, this isn’t to say that adults raised in single-parent households can’t/won’t experience healthy relationships. With adequate coaching and mentoring a single parent can help nurture healthy relationship qualities in their impressionable children. Ultimately LLL, the short and sweet (and it never is) is that folks that grow up in two-parent households, where parents are in a healthy relationship, have more to draw on when attempting to mirror those behaviors.

Keep passin’ the open windows…

12 comments:

Anonymous said...

I grew up without my father present or any other male for that matter. I have found that I have had problems with men. By that I mean, I tend to be on the defense. I am afraid to let a man lead. I can do everything myself. I don't need a man, I just want one.

The bad part is that I have 2 sons that I am raising alone and they hear me talk about men being no good and always hurting women. I try to watch what I say around them but it is really hard. The men always prove me right. They have even seen some of complaints in action. My oldest son sees men looking at women like meat and saying anything out of their mouths and he asks why men do that? He said he would never think to speak or even look at a woman in such a way.

I have taught them to be strong men and to respect not only women but all people. I feel a void in my life and I know it is the father figure that I lack. Thank goodness for my Heavenly Father!

lala said...

Anonymous...some boys that grow up in a household with only a woman or women leading, tend to grow up and have more respect for women because they have seen mama or grandma struggle. I'm sure you are doing a good job. Keep up the good work and don't let these men out her get you down. You are right...you don't NEED a man but they are good to have around (sometimes)!

FREAKING RICAN said...

Coco,

I just wanted to add that I was raise in a single parent home with my mom being both mother/father. She being the strong woman that she was taught me to be a woman when I needed to be as well as take a male role when I needed to represent myself as such. The guys I have lunch with and I were just talking about single parent household today because one of them asked me if I had any kids and I told them no because I saw how tough it was for my MOM to be both parents. I choose to have both parents for my future family. So even though I grew up minus a dad I have to say that my MOM taught me well. So I am one of the lucky ones to have had such an AWESOME woman in my life that taught me to expand my world and not be confined to my past but look at it as a learning experience and move on to creating a wonderful life for myself and my family. (Which I am still praying for)......

caspar608 said...

I don't think Sophie is going to take anything from anyone...especially since she has two brothers to look after her. She isn't starved for attention so I don't feel she will be a glutton for drama either.
She still interacts with her Dad, but she has always seen me get up, go to work and handle my business.
If Daddy wasn't around, I think she would still be ok.

caspar608 said...

That goes for my boys as well. They can handle it.

Cocoa Rican said...

I had a mom and dad that, to this day, are in a loving relationship. I've found that thanks to their examples, interactions, etc. I have preferred stronger women (when I was going there) and like supportive (fairly conservative) men today. My strongest relationships have been with folks who mirrored my parents and shared a lot of their qualities. With 41 years of marriage under their belt, my parents have proven by example, what it takes to build on a lifelong relationship. I can only hope to find a similar arrangement. ...Marcia, are we still doing this if the whole "gay" thing falls through?
...hit me back :)

Anonymous said...

LaLa & Caspar - Do you think you have had successful or failed relationships because you did or did not have a positive male in the household?

lala said...

I would say that I would have had better relationships if I had had a male present when growing up. I have settled for guys in the past that were complete LOSERS but gave me the attention I desired.

I am very attention oriented when it comes to men because I never got that male attention. It has caused me to be more "flirtatious" than most because of the lack of male attention.

Jeanine said...

My parents divorced when I was 7 so for the most part, I was raised by my mom and grandmom. I did have some interaction with my dad but that was very limited when he was younger and immature. My mom did her very best and I was blessed that my mom's baby brother filled the male role. My uncle led by example and filled in when my father couldn't/wasn't ready to.

During my teen years, my dad remarried and my stepmom forced him to step up to the plate and be a real father to me. My dad turned his life around and after several years of turmoil we made amends and are now closer then ever.

My relationships have mirrored those with my uncle and my dad in the type of man I chose to date and eventually marry. My husband is everything my dad was and was not. I may not have seen a loving relationship with my parents, but I did see it with my uncle and aunt who've been married for 23 years and my dad and stepmom who've been married for 12. Having a positive outlook on men and relationships has only helped me in my choices.

KRISALMIGHTY said...

LADIES I WANT TO ADD THAT IT IS NOT JUST HAVING TWO PARENTS IN THE SAME HOUSE, BUT ITS THE HEALTHY INTERACTIVE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN THEM THAT IS INPORTANT BECAUSE IF HE IS A SON-OF A BITCH HUSBAND(CHEATING, FINANCIALLY DELINQUENT AND THE LIKE) AND IF SHE IS VERBALLY CASTRATING BITCH, IT DOES NOT MATTER HOW LONG THEY LIVE TOGETHER THEY WILL BE RAISING "THE JACKSONS".....LOL AS ADULTS THOUGH ITS UP TO US, WHAT EVER PARENTS WE HAD, TO NOT SETTLE FOR CRAP, AND BY NO MEANS EXPECT OUR PARTNER TO "COMPLETE" US IN A RELATIONSHIP. WE SHOULD SHOW UP COMPLETED. WE ALL NEED "SOMEONE" BUT NOT "ANYONE". FOR THE LADIES ON HERE, MY HATS OFF TOO YOU, ESPECIALLY SINGLE PARENT, FOR RAISING FAMILIES BY YOUR SELVES AND STAYING SANE ENOUGH TO BLOG...LOL. Y'ALL GOT IT

Tammy said...

I was raised with a father and strong positive uncles. I think it made me a better woman. I have wonderful relationships with men. I have had men approach me trying to mack and with in a 1/2 hour they are telling me their life story. Men are comfortable with me because I am comfortable with me. I raised two sons and we have a relationship that my friends and family envy. My sons male cousins and friends have come to me (instead of their mothers) with their problems. Even tho I am a single mother, my sons were raised by and around strong positive black men, and women and men of all ages love and respect them. I disagree with woman who say, I dont need no man to help me raise my children. True you can do it alone, but you have a more well rounded secure and stronger child if the are introduced and interact with both races...regardless of the childs sex.

Tammy said...

I meant with both sexes.