Wednesday, June 08, 2005

Morning Edition - 6/8/07

Crack Whore Confidence Course
Last night I had the pleasure of dancing the night away at the Lenox Lounge in Harlem with J’Moo and Bottom Feeder. No, these aren’t their real names, rather their NotShady blog names. One of the funniest events of the evening was when J’Moo and I decided to step out to have a quick smoke (no, J’Moo doesn’t indulge, but I needed to look like the magic dragon). At any rate, an 80 pound crack whore (well, 80 lbs. with a scud missile on her back) approached us and began flirting. J’Moo immediately pointed out that we were gay as fruit baskets and that she should move on. She then smile and showed her remaining four pearly whites – two of which were molars – and exclaimed that she could change us both, lickity-split…and I do mean lickity-split! After reiterating that we’d rather tongue-kiss Satan and back-stroke in a lake of vomit, she walked off as happy as Paris Hilton at a red carpet event. J’Moo and I looked and each other and laughed – hard, but then J’Moo said something very interesting that I could not stop thinking about. He remarked that crack whores have extreme self confidence and could stand to use those skills on the body healthy females that are so withdrawn from approaching situations with bravado. Here was this woman, the final seconds of life-force in her, and she felt confident enough to roll-up on two brothers (well, close enough) and make her move. So I’m writing my congressman and asking that my tax dollars be used to apply teaching skills to the now-confident CWs and devise a course they can teach the rest of you. Sidebar: I’ll brace myself for your responses.

Caspar0608 a.k.a. My Photo Negative, Celebrates Birthday

Today, Caspar0608 celebrates a birthday. The vivacious six-foot-blonde- bombshell and I met at the tender age of 6 and we’ve been fast-friends ever since. From endless days of roller skating to our days as community veterinarians, Caspar and I have had fulfilling lives together and I feel blessed to sit back and grow old with someone who has always known me – really known me. So join me in wishing Caspar an amazing birthday. Girl, you deserve every bit of a happy day and if I had anything to say about it – an amazing life. Happy birthday!!

Lattimore-Moore Calabo Coming in 2006 – Again?
Washington DC native Kenny Lattimore and wife Chante Moore will be releasing, yet another, duet album. The duo released, Things That Lovers Do, to a dismal response from fans. Some would say it was more like, things that lovers should never do. Resident blogger critics, Nesie and Kim disagreed on early takes of the upcoming album, with Nesie feeling it was time for Lattimore to strike out on his own again.

Post your On Blast questions in today's Morning Edition "Comments" section for an Afternoon Edition response.

Keep passin’ the open windows…

18 comments:

Anonymous said...

What makes some confident and others not that is a question to ask and entertain.

Child hood issues, mean people, ETC. how do u go above that. HOW DO WE DEVELOP THE ATTITUDE I MEAN I KNOW IT'S 90% ATTITUDE AND 10% WHAT U KNOW BUT HOW DO WE DEVELOP THE MUSCLES OF CONFIDENCE?

caspar608 said...

My 12 year old son is going through the mean people suck phase of his life right now. My baby is 6 ft tall, a size 15 shoe and has zitsophrenia (pimples, folks). The most viscious attackers of his confidence are the females in his school (notice I did not say young ladies). They harass him incessently, tell him he is ugly, and repeatedly attack his masculinity (because he prefers to wear his jeans slightly below his waistline and not hanging off of his ass). I told him he has several options...he could be just like them and tell those little loose bitches that 1) they should be thankful he is a Christian otherwise the things he could say to them would undoubtedly cause them to kill themselves 2) he hopes they remember the days when they treated him like shit 10 - 12 years from now when the section 8 and welfare benefits they presently live off of no longer exist and their mothers have to scrub his toilets for a living...while they wish he was their babies daddy.
OR he could simple ignore because he KNOWS he is the bomb. A masterpiece. And they are JEALOUS. Each of us makes a conscious decision to love ourselves or not. When you love yourself, YOU FEEL GOOD ALL OVER. Mind, body, soul. Like my girl Steph Mills. The crack addict has confidence because she wants the ultimate high more than anything in the universe. Poor dear. We should all want the same - minus the rock.

caspar608 said...

thank you Chulo. You made my day!

Lady Long Legs said...

What you call confidence, I call desperation. Crack whores are desperate for the next hit. Honestly, what did she have to lose when she approached you and J’Moo? We do not know her situation but you better believe if she’s on crack; it’s not a good one.

And if you really think about it, if she had a lot of confidence then what made her turn to drugs?

caspar608 said...

Exactly. She was pooking per nub in all da wong pwaces. Translation - looking for love in all the wrong places. Confidence is a direct result of self love. You can do anything, be anything. Even if the answer is "no", you still love yourself. Some people just get lost.

Lady Long Legs said...

Happy Birthday Caspar608!!!

And as for your son, just continue to build up his confidence. But I also feel your rage about those bitches at school.

Cocoa Rican said...

First Crack Whores are people too... :) Though their confidence may stem from their need to acquire their next hit, it is remarably similar to the confidence we all displayed as children - before the world slapped us to the floor :) Third, using drugs is not necessarily a sign of poor confidence - take it from the voice of experience! :)

Anonymous said...

Capsar608 -

Here are the answers to yesterday's brain twisters:

#1 - The woman was a photographer. She shot a picture of her husband, developed it and hung it up to dry.

#2 - The letter "e," which is the most common letter in the English language, does not appear once in the long paragraph.

KRISALMIGHTY said...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CASPAR608...SELF CONFIDENCE STARTS AT HOME.....A PERSONS SECURITY AND SELF CONFIDENCE IS DEVELOPED WITH THERE CHILDHOOD PERSONALITY....LEARNED FROM MOMMY AND DADDY AND REINFORCED BY SIBLINGS AND EXTENDED FAMILY....GIRL YOU GOT A GREAT CHANCE WITH YOUR HEALTHY 12 YEAR OLD SON TO TEACH HIM 1) HOW TO VALUE HIMSELF. 2)THAT A CATAPILLARS BECOME A BUTERFLY. 3)TO DEVELOP AND RELY ON HIS ON SENSE OF SELF. SKIN-DEEP SHIT WILL FALL OFF BY THE TIME HE'S 16 SO YOU HAVE TO HELP HIM BUILD THE CORE OF WHO HE IS GOING TO BECOME. I KNOW IT IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY. HE WANTS IMMEDIATE GRATIFICATION LIKE ANY "PETULENT CHILD", BUT HE WILL EARN IT IN DUE TIME. STICK WITH HIM, AFFIRM HIS ATTRIBUTES, ENCOURAGE HIS AMBITIONS AND NURTURE HIS DISAPPOINTMENTS AND HE WILL DEVELOP PRIDE AND SELF CONFIDENCE. DON'T BY ANY MEANS HELP HIM TO HARASS THE "LOOSE LITTLE BITCHES" AT SCHOOL BECAUSE THEY ARE INSECURE KIDS TOO AND BECAUSE THAT WILL ONLY HELY HIM TO DEVELOP A COMPLEX AND SEE HIMSELF AS A "VICTIM"....AND THAT FEELING OF "UGLY" AND "PICKED ON" COULD FOLLOW HIM ALL THROUGH LIFE. WORK ON DEVELOPING HIS ATTITUDE AND LET THEM "PETULENT LITTLE BYTCHES" PLY THEIR TRADE ELSEWHERE. VICIOUS ATTACKERS ARE AT EVERY MIDDLE/HIGHSCHOOL SO THAT DEFENSE SHIELD HAS TO COME FROM HOME. MS. "CRACK WHORE" HAD TO HAVE HER SELF CONFIDENCE CHEMICALLY INDUCED BECAUSE THE POOR TOOTHLESS TART DIDN'T HAVE PARENTS LIKE YOU. GOOD PARENTING IS INVALUABLE. YOUR SON WILL BE ALRIGHT...HIS BIGGEST PROBLEM WILL BE FINDING SHOES TO FIT THOSE GROWING FEET..LOL.

lala said...

Wow Krisalmighty! What words of wisdom. You even helped me and I haven't been 12 in 20 some years. I also have a 12 year old son so I feel your pain Casper. Happy B-Day by the way!

KRISALMIGHTY said...

THANKS LOLA...I WAS A HIGH SCHOOL GUIDANCE COUNSELOR....I WAS ALSO A 12 YEAR OLD 6FT TALL SKINNY KID WITH HORNRIMMED GLASSES...SO I KNOW A LITTLE SUM...SUM...LOL

caspar608 said...

So many blessings, laughs and good advice today. Thanks and love to all. I feel like the full figured Ms. America.

Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday Casper!

I wish I had a mother like you as I was growing up. I love my mother dearly, but she was not confidence building type. Guess she had too many (8 siblings) kids... :) Your son is blessed. Keep up the great work!

Cocoa Rican said...

Dear Anonymous,
I belive that's not a family, that's a litter. I think the number of children you have should correspond to your available nipples. :)

Cocoa Rican said...

...of course we "Ricans" can never seem to get that right

Anonymous said...

I was one whose mother said to her that I was ugly when I was born & MY 2sisters (from different DAD WHO IS MY DAD SINCE I WAS 4YRS OLD & STILL IS - I AM BLESSED) were beautiful especially my middle one. It has been only 6 yrs now that I find myself somewhat pretty & am embracing my looks more each day although the Ugly perception has impacted me heavily & at times still lingers it has also lessened & is loosing it's grip - NOW I AM JUST DEALING W/GETTING OLDER WRINKLES YUK.

My 2 sisters are beautiful & I am very different from them in many ways, so I always try to do things to make up for my "ugliness". My middle sister (mom's favorite w/her beauty) looks like Jay-LO no joke.

My point to all this is that yes WORDS ARE LIKE DAGGERS & ARE EXTREMELY POWERFUL & CAN CAUSE DAMAGE LIKE IT HAS TO ME & MANY OTHER PEOPLE & OUR JOB AS PARENTS IS NOT AN EASY ONE. I have a beautiful 13 yr old daughter & since she was little, because of my experience, I put her infront of the mirror & told her she was beautiful so now forget it w/age & hormones she knows she's Beautiful. Caspar you are doing a beautiful job showing your son, supporting him & giving him the confidence to choose an empowering path for himself. One thing I see missing in many families is SUPPORT when u hv the support of family in different levels I truly believe that adds to your confidence & ability to deal with the worlds gun fire.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CASPER IT WAS GREAT MEETING U LET ME SEE YOUR SIGN IS TAURUS & MANGIA WAS GREAT.

Anonymous said...

Aiight Cocoa,

You'd better watch that "litter" comment. I'll have all my mama's chrins after ya, and ya wouldn't want dat! They ruff. :)

Tammy said...

Happy Birthday Caspar...you big beautiful diva you!!!!