Afternoon Edition - 6/7/05 - On Blast

On Blast
Today we’re putting anonymous On Blast with: Why do men in this day and age think it’s alright to have a woman support them? And why do women allow it?

This is an issue that is very close to my heart, since one of the folks I care about, almost more than my life, appears to be living it. If you’ll notice, I used the word “appears.” This is important, since many times we are simply judging or analyzing someone’s life and are not privy to all the details that may make their relationship work. That said, there are a slew of reasons why men in this day and age are comfortable with being supported. Not the least of which, is THEY CAN. An opportunist will not miss his chance to allow a willing target to provide for them. As to the “why” they would feel so comfortable – well that can come from a few different sources. They could have been raised by someone (probably a woman) who provided everything for them and required nothing in return. Mothers, remember you are only doing yourself and future women a disservice to not properly train the “future men” of the world to take responsibility and contribute. Also, children learn most things by example. If you are a parent who flagrantly shows your child how you “gets yours,” your child will inevitably attempt to “get theirs” when they’re old enough. Teach your children how to support themselves and prepare for the roles they will undoubtedly play in the future. Now, there are men who were raised right, but are lazy, incompetent or simply see a free ride for what it is – a free ride. In these cases, it is a conscious choice (not nurturing) that brings these men to the conclusion that a free meal is easier than earning your keep. Finally, there are men who are encouraged by their women to chill. In an effort to maintain the most control over the situation, some women reason that if you keep him at home, keep him fed, sexed, etc. he’ll do right and ultimately be a better partner. Sadly, this is also a catch-22, since a power-less man soon seeks to attain power OR loses all character traits that attracted you to him in the first place.

The bigger question however is, “Why do women allow it?” Mainly because some women believe that if the only character flaw they’ll have to contend with is that their man is a kept man, it’s not such a bad fault after all.

In the end, as I have painfully surmised, it’s best to not interfere in friends/family that are undergoing this situation, since you will be perceived as the bad guy who wants to keep a happy and loving couple apart. The best advice: Mind your business and only give your opinion when it is specifically asked of you. Some women will learn through trial and error, but as I am witnessing, some women NEVER learn. In which case, enjoy your friend or family member, ignore the details of their relationship (unless it directly affects you and your finances) and let the chips fall where they may. As painful as a train wreck to watch, but as effective as one of those wildlife photographers that does not disturb or interfere with nature when the lion begins to devour the gazelle – makes for a hell of a good shot though.

Keep passin’ the open windows…