Tuesday, May 24, 2005

Afternoon Edition - 5/24/05

On Blast
We’re putting Donya On Blast with… On many occasions I have been approached by men asking me when I am going to take them out to eat. What is that? Is it me or other woman offended by this?
First, the obvious – I’m not a woman and can only give you the Cocoa Rican take on things…. that said, this is a sticky, tricky, suck-my-dickey type question, so please pay close attention. First issue: The subject of what’s PC Dating in 2005, is not what was the case decades ago. Men who wished to court (or date) a woman, traditionally asked the “lady” out for dinner, drinks, a club, etc. and normally covered all expenses – including picking her up and returning her home. As women have joined the workforce and taken on more “equal” roles with men, they have also asked to be treated as equals in other areas of their relationships. This equal-footing has muddled the issue of who pays – especially for men who were looking for a way to get women out of their pocket. Women were then encouraged to offer (key word) to pay for their share of the meal and drinks. A decent gentleman was then expected to decline the female’s offer and pay for the entire date. (Be sure to keep up with the dance…) Now, if you meet a rhythm-less brother, a.k.a. a trifling son-of-a-broke-bitch, he will take you up on your offer to pay your share of expenses during the date. By NO MEANS should this class-less freak be indulged with any after dinner “treats” or worse, given a second date. This should be a female’s first foray and clear picture of things to come with this man. Second issue: Men, women, gay and straight – all genders and orientations have opportunistic individuals. These are folks that prey on others – financially, physically and emotionally (sometimes all three). You must follow your gut feeling on people. Sidebar: A man can be treated for his birthday or special occasion – assuming you thought of the treat. You should NEVER be asked or required to treat. Opportunistic folks (USERS) don’t always come straight out and ask to have you pay. They may use the guise that they are not as financially well-off as you and therefore cannot afford to visit the places you like to frequent. If this is the case, be advised that you may not want to date someone that cannot maintain the social circles you are accustomed to as this may cause you financial hardship when you go from date to “sponsor.” To be fair, there are plenty of women and gay men, who have adopted the mentality that anyone they date MUST pay. This is ludicrous and only stands to demean the person who insists on such behavior. Final Rule: Rules of engagement dictate that the person (male or female) who invites someone else on a date is the payer. PERIOD. Ultimately, whether a female asks a male or vice versa, a decent man will cover any date he is on. Moreover, if females wish to maintain a semblance of autonomy and independence, they should offer to cover little things throughout the date – ie. a round of drinks, a late-night coffee during a romantic walk, etc. With gay men, the rules can be more tricky, but we’ll wait and see if you guys need the details on those interactions.

Keep passin’ the open windows…


Anonymous said...

"These are folks that prey on others – financially, physically and emotionally (sometimes all three)." For me it was hard at first you are such in a bliss that you don't see the signs and then again depending on the person they can be smooth. However, now after having woken up I now am learning to see the signs. One of them is, if you have a car, I can come and pick you up and take you home daaaaaaaa, where is he now not around and I am taking myself to and from work it's all a scam and games and I hate that can't it just be real why the so many games.



As long as "You" keep it real with the brothers you meet you don't have to worry about the scam and games. Because once they see that you are a powerful woman that will not deal with their bull sh*t nonsense they will know that they either need to step up or step out because you won't have time for their crap. It takes some of us a bit longer to realize that we don't need to give our power away to no one. Once you give your power away and they know it "it over" that's when the games start. But if you keep it real and put everything on the table, they have no room to try and play that!

donya said...

I have no problem taking care of my man (if I had one) but I am not going to allow anyone to come to me with a weak line like "So when are you going to take me out". The conversation will end right there. I am an independent woman but I am also old school. Thanks Hector

Cocoa Rican said...

You know when folks ask, "What's good?" Realize that "YOU" are what's good. Once you know it, they'll snap around to know it too. Pay for play is not my thing, but in the event that any of you do it - and I know some of you who do (wink, wink) it's all good. So long as it's not degrading to you. If what you feel is that you're getting a product for your dollar than - hope you get a good sale! :)


I just have one thing to share with you women..It's a bit long but it's too the point and every woman should take heed with what I have to share. Here it goes:

- If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.
- If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.
- Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior. Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
- Stop trying to change yourselves for a relationship that's not meant to be.
- Slower is better. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.
- If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can't "be friends." A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.
- Don't settle.
- If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.
- Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at
yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.
- The only person you can control in a relationship is you.
- Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, Why would he treat you any differently?
- Always have your own set of friends separate from his.Maintain boundaries in how a guy treatsyou.
- If something bothers you, speak up but never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.
- You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within.
- Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are..even if he has more education or in a better job.
- Do not make him into a quasi-God. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.
- Never let a man define who you are.
- Never borrow someone else's man. If he cheated with you, he'llcheat on you.
- A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.
- All men are NOT dogs.
-You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is two way street.
-You need time to heal between relationships...there is nothing cute about baggage... deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship
-You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you...a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals look for someone complimentary not
-Dating is fun even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right.
-Make him miss you sometimes.when a man always know where you are, and your always readily available to him he takes it for granted.
- Never move into his mother's house.
- Never co-sign for a man.
- Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need.
-Keep him in your radar but get to know others.
-Share this with other ladies..... You'll make someone smile, another
rethink her choices, and another woman prepare.
-They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them and an entire lifetime to forget them.

Cocoa Rican said...

Well, well, well... looks like Freaking Rican has become the lady "in-the-know" today. Your comments were not only true, real and useful, but should hit home to EVERYONE trying to pursue a healthy relationship. It's safe to say that not all the rules are easy to apply, but finding the strength to apply these keeps things together. Kudos Ms. FR!