We’re putting Donya On Blast with… On many occasions I have been approached by men asking me when I am going to take them out to eat. What is that? Is it me or other woman offended by this?
First, the obvious – I’m not a woman and can only give you the Cocoa Rican take on things…. that said, this is a sticky, tricky, suck-my-dickey type question, so please pay close attention. First issue: The subject of what’s PC Dating in 2005, is not what was the case decades ago. Men who wished to court (or date) a woman, traditionally asked the “lady” out for dinner, drinks, a club, etc. and normally covered all expenses – including picking her up and returning her home. As women have joined the workforce and taken on more “equal” roles with men, they have also asked to be treated as equals in other areas of their relationships. This equal-footing has muddled the issue of who pays – especially for men who were looking for a way to get women out of their pocket. Women were then encouraged to offer (key word) to pay for their share of the meal and drinks. A decent gentleman was then expected to decline the female’s offer and pay for the entire date. (Be sure to keep up with the dance…) Now, if you meet a rhythm-less brother, a.k.a. a trifling son-of-a-broke-bitch, he will take you up on your offer to pay your share of expenses during the date. By NO MEANS should this class-less freak be indulged with any after dinner “treats” or worse, given a second date. This should be a female’s first foray and clear picture of things to come with this man. Second issue: Men, women, gay and straight – all genders and orientations have opportunistic individuals. These are folks that prey on others – financially, physically and emotionally (sometimes all three). You must follow your gut feeling on people. Sidebar: A man can be treated for his birthday or special occasion – assuming you thought of the treat. You should NEVER be asked or required to treat. Opportunistic folks (USERS) don’t always come straight out and ask to have you pay. They may use the guise that they are not as financially well-off as you and therefore cannot afford to visit the places you like to frequent. If this is the case, be advised that you may not want to date someone that cannot maintain the social circles you are accustomed to as this may cause you financial hardship when you go from date to “sponsor.” To be fair, there are plenty of women and gay men, who have adopted the mentality that anyone they date MUST pay. This is ludicrous and only stands to demean the person who insists on such behavior. Final Rule: Rules of engagement dictate that the person (male or female) who invites someone else on a date is the payer. PERIOD. Ultimately, whether a female asks a male or vice versa, a decent man will cover any date he is on. Moreover, if females wish to maintain a semblance of autonomy and independence, they should offer to cover little things throughout the date – ie. a round of drinks, a late-night coffee during a romantic walk, etc. With gay men, the rules can be more tricky, but we’ll wait and see if you guys need the details on those interactions.
Keep passin’ the open windows…