Icon + New-Age-Diva + Poor Delivery = Monster-In-Law
Sometimes even an icon, a fab-u leading diva and a model man cannot make a spring blockbuster out of a poorly-written, awkwardly-delivered, script. Such is the case with Jennifer Lopez and Jane Fonda’s new venture, Monster-In-Law. The storyline is simple – prominent, gorgeous and single doctor, Kevin Fields (Michael Vartan) relocates to a new city and in a remarkable twist of fate is thrust into the same places with La Lopez. After about the third sighting, this well-to-do physician decides this must be a sign from the Gods and asks the Latina girl out on a date – the first Latina girl I’ve come across named Charlotte. In a joint storyline, Viola Fields (Jane Fonda), a high-profile media icon – ala Barbara Walters – is fired and replaced with a fresh face, causing her an emotional and mental breakdown. Both plots come together when Viola is released from the looney bin, only to find the apple-of-her-eye son is dating, what could be, an “immigrant.” The introduction of Charlotte (Charlie) to Viola is probably one of the funniest parts of the movie and Ruby (Wanda Sykes) as Viola’s assistant is admittedly the most side-splitting delirium you’ll experience anywhere. Ultimately, the movie drags – sometimes literally. Plenty of physical violence ensues and folks even drug each other – now who’da thunk it?! J-Lo can chalk Monster-In-Law up as her third consecutive flop, following the Benifer twin failures of Gigli and Jersey Girl. Fonda, though smeared with, at least, two-inch thick make-up, looks ancient and worn. At one point, a backless dress she wears in the film had me turn to my date and ask, “Was she in the Passion Of Christ.” All said, I give it 4 out of 10 stars. My date said he gave it 8 out of 10 stars, but then he knows how much I love J-Lo and wasn’t aware that the “real” Monster-In-Laws were in town and he would not be having any nightcaps at my place. As soon as that was cleared-up, he downgraded the film to a 5 out 10 star flick. Wait a month-or-so to rent it from Blockbusters.
Let’s Get This On The Up-and-Up
The Centers for Disease Control in Atlanta (CDC) will be conducting a study of black men who have sex with men and also have sex with women, otherwise dubbed the down-low brothas. The CDC is exploring the issue and gathering hard facts to answer questions regarding the rise in HIV infection rates in black women. So far, the infected women have only mentioned having heterosexual exchanges, but their partners’ sexual habits are not known. In a related story, I’m in the midst of reading Beyond The Down Low by Keith Boykin. The well-written book gives hard facts and accounts of the Down Low crisis and pokes holes in J.L. King’s book On The Down Low. Boykin quotes a prominent source that interviewed King prior to his book release, who felt King was a gay man posing as a down-low brotha. Go figure. Boykin’s book is a must read.
PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) is facing an embarrassing allegation – they kill animals. That’s the short story as reported by the Center for Consumer Freedom. The Center discovered PETA kills thousands of animals at its shelter in Norfolk, VA because it says it cannot afford to support all of them. To its detriment, PETA pulled-in $29 million in funds last year and spent thousands on advertising and demonizing celebrities who wear fur (ala J-Lo) and fast food giants (ala KFC). Let’s stop hating and start saving – yeah, saving those animals you’re gassing in VA. Ugh! ...someone pass me my lucky rabbit's foot :)
Keep passin’ the open windows…