Thursday, May 26, 2005

Afternoon Edition - 5/26/05

On Blast
Today we're putting Shey On Blast with: When should it be a problem that someone dates outside his or her race?
Seems odd that we would still have this discussion in 2005, but in the eternal words of the irreverent Wendy Williams, “It is what it is.” Dating and marriage are complicated regardless of the race and cultural background of individuals. The Centers for Disease Control (CDC) reported that 20% of ALL marriages end in divorce within the first five years. Consciously or unconsciously, we normally date individuals that remind us of either our parental figure(s) or a role model of our youth. This doesn’t always turn-out well, since not all parental figures or role models are positive ones. That said, dating and marriage require extreme compromise and the ability to work together to overcome various obstacles. These issues are compounded in interracial relationships, since the added stressor of validating and justifying your racial differences to others can sometimes be just the added pressure that breaks the dating/marriage bond. Those who can weather the reactions of outsiders can, and many times do, build strong, lasting relationships that are anchored in love, trust and the commitment to respect your partner. Unfortunately, stereotypes, biases and cultural differences can also wreak havoc on an unprepared interracial couple. Understanding your partners upbringing, cultural observances and general quirks can ease unnecessary and, sometimes, petty tensions. Maturity also plays an intricate role in the survival of relationships. Feeling comfortable with who you are, your culture, your upbringing and those of your partner will prevent insecurities rooted in misconceptions. Not all black folks smell like a monkey house after a long day; not all white folk’s hair smells like dog after being wet; not all Asian folks smell like scallions and soy; not all Latinos put garlic in everything short of their coffee. All said, you should date people for the right reasons. Be sure that the person you date is respectful, kind, attractive-to-you and attracted-to-you. Spend time together and insure that you have things in common. If you feel you have to change the way you speak, dress, your friendship circles, visits to your family, etc. to accommodate a relationship – especially an interracial one - you must ask yourself why that is. So in answer to your question Shey… if you have to change who you are or feel someone is altering who they really are, to engage in a relationship, something is wrong. Outside of those parameters, anyone would be ignorant and ill informed to fuel the fires of prejudice and racial hatred to avoid a promising relationship with an individual based on their race.

Keep passin’ the open windows…

14 comments:

Jeanine said...

I've never dated outside of my race but it's not because of any conscious decision. I have always been attracted to black men and that is my choice. I married my King almost two years ago so I pray that I won't be looking for love ever again. (I prefer a big strapping bucksome dark skinned brother myself {Tammy, I KNOW you here me!} Sidebar: I admit to having a runaway slave fantasy but that's a story for another time :-)

That said, to each his own. As long as the man/woman loves you the way you need to be loved then it's your thang and I cannot and will not hate. My motto is live your life and be happy!

As for biracial children, any child is a blessing from God and I think it's great that they more than one culture to learn from.

Now I will say this and I'm being 100% honest here, if my child were to bring home someone of a different race, I would want to make sure that they were doing it for the right reasons. I'd ir race b/c it's the in thing or they were curious. I would probably lift an eyebrow if my son brought home a white woman but in the end I know it's all about his happiness and if that makes him happy then I'm all for it.

FREAKING RICAN said...

Coco, Like always great analogy! By the way, don't confuse who the originator was for "IT IS WHAT IT IS" That bitch Wendy Williams got that from me! HEHEHE And don't you forget it! As for the dating out of your race, I myself have never dated out of my race. My reason for that is because of familarity in cultral. Don't get me wrong I find that there are some white and black men that I would do in a second but I find that my Latino men are just too damn sexy and passionate. I still haven't meet a man outside my race that can put me in the "She is Whipped mode" But if you know anyone that might put me in that mode bring him on. White, black, Chino, a horse (opps can you tell I haven't had some in a long time)HEHEHEHE

Tammy said...

like i said before...if chocolate menzes come in all races then i date interracially. just my preference. if my man caint climb a tree...den he aint fo me!!! holla!!!

Rabenstrange said...

It is probably a bad idea to date outside your species.

Lady Long Legs said...

I have two young boys that attend a school with Black, White and Hispanic kids but majority are white. Most of their friends are White or Hispanic and when they come home and tell me stories about what happened at the lunch table or on the playroom, we do not discuss if they were playing with White or Black kids. Or when my oldest son tells me that a girl wrote him a note or gave him her telephone number, I have not once asked was she Black, White or Hispanic. Kids do not see color; they only care about making friends and having fun. Why can’t adults think that way?

Anonymous said...

Well I'm going to ask if the child was black or white. My response would be the same either way, "Leave those nasty little boys alone." It may not matter to some but it matters to me.

Lady Long Legs said...

Question for a future BLAST session:

People Magazine released it's 50 Most Beautiful People issue a few month's ago. I think some people on the list are well deserved and wonder how in the world did some people make the list.


Who do you think deserves to be on the list and who was left off the list?


People's Most Beautiful Men:
David Beckham; Orlando Bloom; Patrick Dempsey; Johnny Depp; Colin Farrell; Jamie Foxx; Tim Green; Tyler Hilton; Josh Holloway; Juanes; Jude Law; Matthew McConaughey; Jesse Metcalfe; Clive Owen; Tyler Perry; Brad Pitt; Seal; Usher and Dwayne Wade

People's Most Beautiful Women:
Julia Roberts (#1); Jessica Alba, Jennifer Anniston; Drew Barrymore; Mischa Barton; Halle Berry; Penelope Cruz; Hilary Duff; Sara Evans; Mariska Hargitay; Scarlett Johannson; Angelina Jolie; Alicia Keys; Heidi Klum; Lindsay Lohan; Eva Longoria; Jennifer Lopez; Ann-Margret; Eva Mendes; Sienna Miller; Catalina Sandion Moreno; Sandra Oh; Sophie Okenedo; Maria Sharapova; Jessica Simpson; Elizabeth Smart; Martha Stewart; Hilary Swank; Oprah Winfrey; Kate Winslet and Ziyi Zhang.

Jeanine said...

If I was single and brave enough, David Beckham and Colin Farrell could definetly get the business! Oh and that country singe Tim McGraw..he's easy on the eyes too.

Shey said...

Thanks Coco for your insightful message. It is a shame that this could still be a topic of discussion. But, what I think is even more of a shame is that there a lot of Black people out there they cannot and do not accept that they are Black. It's like there's still this brainwashing that being Black is the worst thing to be. For me, I'm happy to be nappy! Now, don't get me wrong, I gots to tame this mane a couple times a year :-) But, I don't believe Black peoples should date someone outside their race just because they're not Black. And really, the same goes for other races as well.

Shey said...

Oh, and for the most beautiful people, they left off Terrell Owens! Now, that brotha there! Whoooo! gots the body of an Adonis! It's hot in here!

Maddy said...

And Let's NOT FORGET "Morris Chestnut"

FREAKING RICAN said...

As for the list they should have included Boris Kodjoe of "Soul Food" Now that brother has it going on! He is beautiful, intelligent and has a body that can melt Mt. Everest!

caspar608 said...

no, cocoa. thats not my brother and it's not my nephew. the little boy is adorable though.

caspar608 said...

Omarion - of the "O" - is suspiciously missing but I predict he will be on next year. Did anyone catch the new "Touch" video? Left me BREATHLESS. Usher has the bod of life, but he looks like he was smashed in the face with a cast iron frying pan AND they used the forceps a bit too forcefully on his head at birth. Gabrielle Union was a glaring absence - Sandra Oh is kind of funny looking. I don't know why the forgot me and Cocoa either....